It’s hard to believe that my younger cousin, Andrew Knipe, died of Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2005. I still think of Andy as an innocent, insecure kid, the second-to-last child in a family of five children, the tag-along. When our families got together, with eight of us cousins sitting at the table cracking jokes and poking each other, Andy was just trying to figure out what we were talking about and where the next joke was headed. We’d yell at him to shut up when he tried to intervene, but every once in awhile he’d crack us all up, usually by squeezing food through his fingers or reminding us about the toilet. His life of mischief was underway.
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| Andy on left, older brother Billy on right. |
Over the years, I moved out to the West Coast, while Andy stayed in New York, got married, and excelled as the art director of TV commercials. His audience and humor had evolved. His jokes now cracked up millions of people all over the country. He almost seemed like an adult.
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| Andy in his 30s. |
Then he got ALS, in his prime. He was 37 years old, with a wife, teenage daughter, and two little boys. At Christmas that year, he couldn’t make the salad tongs squeeze together, but otherwise he seemed fine, so I still thought there must be some mistake, some way out. But there wasn’t. ALS continued to destroy his nervous system, relentlessly. With each visit back to New York, I could see he was progressively worse. Soon he was in a wheelchair, hands propped on the armrests, unable to turn his head from side to side, barely able to swallow. His body was frozen in place, but he was fully alert, watching himself die.
Andy's final months were largely spent thinking about baseball and helping other people. He raised money for the ALS Association by making films about Lou Gehrig and other sports figures. (BBDO, the advertising agency where he’d made his mark, stood by him, keeping him on the payroll and sending a van to pick him up whenever he wanted to come into Manhattan to work at the office.) He sent my 9-year-old son a big, heavy book, The Yankees Encyclopedia, which my son studied like the Rosetta Stone. He read that encyclopedia so many times, memorizing the statistics and biographies of every player from Lou Gehrig to Derek Jeter, that the covers finally fell off.
I hadn’t thought much about baseball since I was in Little League, but now that my three boys were playing it, and now that Andy was dying, I wanted to know everything I could. Andy sent me pithy emails about legends like Goose Gossage and Don Zimmer. I was relieved when he said Field of Dreams was one of the best baseball films, ever.
It took a lot of effort to send those emails. He put on a headset that tracked his eye movements, looked ahead at a screen, and then clicked with his index finger—one of the only parts of his body with any sensation left—on the word or letter he wanted. The last gasps of a dying man.
But with his last ounces of energy, Andy didn’t just send out Zen-like emails. He also got on baseball websites and clicked out messages like this:
“R-e-d S-o-x = S-c-u-m-b-a-g-s.”
Yes, he spent his final days tormenting Red Sox fans, the arch rivals of his beloved Yankees. Some of his insults were so disgusting that he got banned from websites.
After awhile, though, the emails and rants tapered off, as the disease took over every last inch of his body, including his insides. In August, 2005, he decided not to get an artificial respirator. At age 38, he wrote a final letter to his kids and got ready to die.
I couldn’t get a flight in time, but I called to say goodbye. Andy couldn’t speak anymore, so I did all the talking.
I said I loved him. I said I was sorry I ignored him so much when we were little. I said I knew he would be there whenever I was watching baseball. I had to fight through tears to finish my sentences--I was incoherent--but I didn’t want to hang up, knowing I’d never talk to Andy again. Finally the call had to end. A few days later, Andy was dead.
At the funeral, I found out that pitcher Curt Schilling had asked the other Red Sox players to pray for Andy. Despite his Red Sox affiliation, Schilling had become friends with Andy through their fundraising for ALS.
But the biggest surprise came after the funeral, at the lunch we had for family at a small restaurant. Suddenly one of my cousins shouted, “Sick Bastard’s here!” Looking over at the entrance, I didn’t see anyone who looked sick or like a bastard, just a regular guy in his 30’s. “Sick Bastard” was this guy’s screen name. He was a Red Sox fan who had traded vicious insults with Andy for months, until Andy let on that he was dying of ALS. By that point, they’d spent so much time together online, trying to reach new heights of creativity with their insults, that they’d formed a friendship. Sick Bastard, who had never met Andy in person, drove down from Boston to attend the funeral.
This was like a soldier walking onto the middle of a battlefield during the American Civil War and screaming, “Wait, don’t shoot! Or shoot if you want, but that’s my brother over there and I’m taking him home with me.”
My cousins, all faithful Yankees fans, mobbed Sick Bastard, hugging him and treating him like a celebrity. Even after his death, Andy was still making us laugh.
Thinking about Andy six years later still makes me cry, too. My little cousin taught me what it really means to live knowing I'm going to die.
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Links, Photos, and More:
Curt Schilling's Words About Andy:
"ALS, three small yet horrifyingly fatal letters. Devastating letters because they, right now, are a guaranteed death sentence for its victims. Why is it, then, that just about every ALS patient I’ve ever met, including Andy Knipe, wake up each day with a smile? Why are they the ones that bring laughter and joy to a room of seemingly healthy people? I don’t know why, but I thank God each and every day for putting these people in my life, and my families. Andy was a great man, Yankee allegiance aside! He was, until his last breath, working to improve the lives of so many others while his withered away. Andy is the man you meet that reminds you, without a word, how lucky and happy you
SHOULD be."
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| Andy with ALS and that constant smile that Curt Schilling mentioned. |
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Andy teaching nephew Ben to drink soda. A few years later, he took Ben to the horse races, as his sister Susan fondly recalls.
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